Daddy...

Daddy I miss you I honestly dont think its hit home that your really gone, You are just to young, Im to young, Your grandchildren are to young, At first I was so mad at you & myself, you cause all you needed to do was see a doctor we all tried it upsets me to think you just cared about yourself not all of us that are going to suffer now, But I know your not a selfish man at all, I honestly dont think you thought about that at all, I think you thougtht seeing a doctor in a few weeks would be ok, Then I got mad at myself, why in the hell did I not go see you? Your not far, I dont live out of state anymore, But I was sick & we all didnt think you was just going to die & die so quickly I was afraid if I came and seen you I would get you sicker, Then Id blame myself for you being sick, I have cried my eyes out  kicked myself around the dirt now for a little over a month, I dont think ill ever forgive myself for this one, I tried calling so much but never got a answer, Daddy I miss you it isnt fair im 29 my dad died at age 58 all cause he wouldnt see a doctor, I dont like that I cant just go see you, set at your grave and talk to you, I think having you at joes valley will be great but its some where i cant just drive if I need to, Its close but not that close.. With this fertility stuff  ( my hormones being so whacked ) the holidays, & you dieing I dont think I have sat down to breathe.. Well really thats all I have done now for 4 months is hide away from everyone ( Even Tyler I dont think he even cares anymore its so fake ) but I dont feel like I have actually breathed if you know what I mean, I still havent got over loosing Alisa now You.. I sure HoPE 2011 is better then the last 2 years. Hold my Baby girl Daddy tell I get to see her & you again... Love you to <3